What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 07:56
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
How is a narcissist likely to handle situations when confronted with hard truths about themselves?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Why won't Canada build their own fighter jet?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
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What did i know ?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
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We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Who then, do I blame.?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
How can a hacker damage me, realistically?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
What are some creepy bestiality-promoting questions obviously asked for sexual gratification?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Why are daughters mean to their mothers?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
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He knew the spot.
All the time i was locked up.
My life is so biszare .
Have you ever had your crush reject you, and then later you all dated and married?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why do some men like older women?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
How can I get over a break up?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Im still living with it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
This is soul school!.
He resisted the act ,that day.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
One cannot live in the past .
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I will be 64.
But, we were locked up after school.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
It was going to be , some day.
Would this be the day?
When she asked me how she looked .
I could never make a relationship work though!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I waited trembling.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She found it foreign!.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She married twice! .
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
She loved him until the end.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And i lived it daily.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I have no regrets .
I was 9 years of age.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I don,t even have a pension.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Was to survive, this bastard.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I write beautiful poetry .
She was in good health!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
So, i spoilt her more .
I was seconnd youngest,
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Ive learnt so much.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
I was scared of men, in general
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I never cut or harmed myself..
She wouldn,t have been !
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I think the readers, may guess!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We all went to grammer schools
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I said to her
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Comes on , in middle age.
Put me off passion for life!!
So whats the point in blame.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Why did i forgive my father ?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We were not on the streets..
But it wasn’t much.
My family never makes their pension either.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was very sick at this time too.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I couldn’t, believe it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
As i do to all so called friends.?
Especially a lifetime of it.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.